ACCEPT Site Information and Lobby lgbt@accept Newsletter, issue no. 4

Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transsexuals at ACCEPT

Romania's Intolerance Gives Birth to Monsters Bogdan Honciuc, editor Before the Romanian presidential and parliamentary elections, I was certain that the young people, receptive towards the values of the modern society, were more tolerant with regard to the human rights. For instance, experience had taught me that the young straight people were more likely to accept the lgbt minority - I could come out to them without being afraid of negative feedback, with some rare exceptions. Nonetheless, I had noticed that the young people were able to reconsider their positions and even do away with all sorts of prejudiced feelings.

I am shocked, therefore, by their vote for the extremist Corneliu Vadim Tudor, which puts Romania's social and political future before a big question mark. How could it happen that an intolerant message persuaded a layer of society that pught to have been, at least in theory, attracted by values of modernity? What makes Corneliu Vadim Tudor attractive to the young? Or, better said, who?

Of course, the young are right to be disappointed by Romania's political stage before and after 1996. The politicians have ignored their needs, ideals, and their potential. The political analyst Neculai Constantin Munteanu opined that the young Romanians' musical culture, composed of so-called rebel bands, had contributed to the misinterpretation of the extremist message.

One should not forget about the hypocrisy of the Romanian Orthodox Church regarduing the European values, the lack of a proper civic education in schools and of a permanent appeal of the civil society against extremism (as you may know, the appeal was only launched days before the runoffs of the elections!), as well as the undisturbed existence of the neo-Nazi groups.

Also, TV stations offer generous time to incredibly vulgar populist shows that praise the intolerance. The Roma minority is, in this respect, the most affected victim. Plus, the written press is filled with so-called journalists who, most of the homophoes and racists, have a say in the public eye. The very pro-European radio stations like Europa FM and ProFM have homophobic DJs who spread and encourage the hatred against the LGBT people.

So - all these elements, which, by the way, clearly denounced Corneliu Vadim Tudor's policy, stood, paradoxically, by his side, bringing consistence and credibility to his image. Generalised intolerance will give birth to monsters. And the young will vote for them...

AIDS Day was celebrated at ACCEPT on December 1 through a morning meeting at the centre, gathering the staff, volunteers, and beneficiaries. Watching TV commercials campaigning for AIDS awareness, they discussed about this issue and took part in a competition. Five prizes were awarded to the most safe-sex aware participants. The audience was then impressed by the confessions of a HIV+ man, Iliuta, who spoke openly about his status, answering the participants questions. The meeting was also attended by three Peace Corps volunteers. All the participants received free of charge condoms, lube, and educational materials.

In the evening, ACCEPT distributed, at the entrance of disco Casablanca, condoms, lubes, and soaps for free. All clients received the red ribbons, the leaflet "Safe Sex Generation", especially edited by ACCEPT on this occasion, the newsletter, as well as ACCEPT's leaflet containing the program of social activities in December.

December 6 - upon the occasion of Finland's Independence Day, His Excellency Pekka Harttila, The Finnish Ambasador to Romania, invited Adrian Coman and Elena Mititelu from ACCEPT to attend a reception at his residence in Bucharest. We met the Ambassador's family and Leena Pylvänäinen, the secretary of the Embassy, with whom we discussed interesting issues related to Finnish and Romanian history and culture.

Project Concern International (PCI), an organisation working in the field of reproduction health, celebrated ten years of activity in Romania. At the reception on December 7, Ms. Elaine Claire Himelfarb delivered a speech about PCI Romania's activity and presented the workers who have got involved, along these years, in PCI's activities. The reception was attended by Mrs. Sheila Rosapepe, the US Ambassador's wife, Mr. Denny Robertson, director of USAID Romania, specialists in medicine, psychology, and social assistance. Also taking part in this event, Dr. Irina Dinca confirmed that a US volunteer would help ACCEPT in the field of health and social assistance, within the partnership program between PCI and ACCEPT..

In order to celebrate the International Day of Human Rights, ACCEPT organised, on December 8, a meeting under the title "Different but Equal in terms of Human Rights". The participants discussed hot issues, launched appeals and messages of solidarity, and the LGBT reiterated the discrimination they are subjected to. Human rights specialist Romanita Iordache spoke, with bitter sense of humour, about how the authorised institutions and bodies could implement the Universal Chart of Human Rights. The meeting was an excellent occasion to stress the individual responsibility with regard to increasing the visibility and, consequently, the level of acceptance of the LGBT people within the Romanian society.

During December 8-12, Adrian Coman, Executive Director of ACCEPT and Board member of ILGA-Europe, attended the board meeting in Brussels. On this occasion, Mr. Coman met with the assistant of MEP Astrid Thors, representing Finland in the Liberal Group, and chairwoman of the Romania-Europe Joint Parliamentary Committee, and the assistant of MEP Joke Swiebel representing Holland and raporteur of the Human Rights Committee. Upon arrival from Brussels, Adrian Coman was glad to tell us that the October ILGA-Europe Conference in Bucharest was still a vivid memory in Brussels.

Homosexuality - Remaining Issue on Human Rights Agenda of Romanian Authorities Adrian Coman ACCEPT Executive Director Decriminalising homosexuality in Romania remains an issue of concern for the Council of Europe and the European Union, as same sex relations between consenting adults and taking place in private are still punishable by the criminal law. This issue has to be addressed by the newly elected Romanian authorities (November 26, 2000) in the light of Romania’s international commitments and accession process to EU. This article will shortly present the legal frame of same sex relations and discuss the possible approaches by the new political fractions in the Romanian Parliament, together with arguments and possible strategies in the civil society for reaching the elimination of discrimination based on sexual orientation.

Article 200 of the Romanian Penal Code reads: “… Same sex relations taking place in public or resulting in a public scandal, shall be punished by one to five years imprisonment … Enticing or seducing a person to practice same sex relations, as well as propaganda, association or any other forms of proselytising with the same aim shall be punished by one to five years’ imprisonment…” The “public scandal” is not defined by the Romanian legislation. Article 200 represent in itself a discrimination and has been interpreted by most prosecutors and judges as to deny lesbians, gays and bisexuals their fundamental rights to a private life, to free association and to free expression.

On a juridical level, Article 200 is in contradiction with the principle of equality before the law stipulated by the Romanian Constitution (art. 16, paragraph 1), as it provides for special criminal provisions for homosexuals, and establishes higher punishments for members of this group in comparison with heterosexuals in the same criminal situations. Article 200 is also in disagreement with the international commitments of Romania and with explicit recommendations made by the Council of Europe and the European Union.

Before the November 2000 elections in Romania, awareness increased and actions towards abolishing the discriminatory provisions have been taken. The government submitted to the Parliament a draft bill to abolish article 200 and establish equal legal treatment, irrespective one’s sexual orientation. The draft bill envisaged that the state should regulate sexual crimes, such as rape or paedophilia, and not the (homo)sexual identity of an individual; that the state should not interfere with one’s private life. The Chamber of Deputies adopted the bill on June 28, 2000. The other chamber of the Parliament – the Senate – did not schedule this bill on its agenda before the elections.

Lobbying to abolish article 200 is to be directed at the Senate in its new composition.

The Senate’s current political fractions consist of the Social Democracy Pole (PDSR) [46.43%], Democrats (PD) [9.29%], Liberals (PNL) [9.29%], the nationalists of the Great Romania Party (PRM) [26.42%], and the Hungarians’ Union [8.57%]. Except the Hungarians, all other parties did not make known any policy on the human rights of lesbians and gays, and their few members who made public statements about this issue, usually emphasised they were expressing their personal opinion only.

The current President of Romania, Ion Iliescu, led the Social Democracy Pole, current ruling alliance, in elections. While generally acknowledging the “room” of homosexuals in society, questioned their human rights by invoking the majority’s Christian approach and fearing the proselytising by this group (Tele 7abc TV, October 23, 2000). The PDSR votes will heavily weight towards adopting the bill in the Senate and lobby on them can be focused on their responsibility as governing party towards adopting the EU aquis, as well as on their need to be regarded as a modern social democratic party. Many Liberals (PNL) and Democrats (PD) are usually against discrimination of lesbian and gay people, and the lobby focus should address the need of all their MPs to give high priority to human rights. The PRM nationalists are expected to vote against the bill, in accordance with their anti-any-minority rights policy, as they included homosexuals among the ones to blame for having conspired to the alleged election fraud that deprived them from power (France Press, December 9, 2000). The strategy towards them should develop individual responsibility and analysis on the matter, rather than applying the policy of the party.

The Hungarians are not the ones to be convinced on the need to eliminate the discrimination by law as their statements have been clear and never questioned the human rights. The lobby focus on their party should be towards changing the discourse in the Senate’s debates on homosexuality, and towards advocating for the principle of consulting the targeted group by the legislative body, before making a decision that will affect the members of this group.

The role of NGO’s, in particular of the lesbian and gay groups, should be to co-ordinate this lobby on a national and international level, and to educate society towards acceptance of differences and respect for human rights. Advocating together with other minority groups, such as ethnic and religious, and not on the least, finding support with the women movement for the common aim of equality in a patriarchal society, are other actions to employ. These efforts will have to be organised in parallel with an increasing visibility of lesbians, gays and bisexuals as ordinary members of society in order to reduce majority’s rejection and perception of homosexuality as an abnormal and immoral phenomena, alien to Romanian people’s mentality, and change the public debate towards the understanding and respect for human rights of any individual, regardless of his/her particularities.

Starting 1995, when the age of consent between males was set at 16 years for straight men and 18 for gays, UK has faced an ongoing campaign for equality, suggestively entitled "16". Since 1997, bills for equalization had been repeatedly passed by large margins in the House of Commons (whose members are elected) only to be repeatedly strongly voted down in the House of Lords (where membership is by appointment or heredity, and where Conservatives are more strongly represented). But because the Lords had voted down equalization in the previous legislative session and still failed to approve it in the session now drawing to an end, the Government was able to use the Parliament Act to keep the matter from ping-ponging between the Houses indefinitely, on November 30, 2000.

Angela Mason, OBE, director of the national LGBT advocacy group Stonewall, viewed the victory as a breakthrough to still more civil rights advances. She told reporters, "This is a great step towards equality. When the history books come to be written I believe it will be seen as the moment when this country finally began to change, when lesbians
and gay men started to take our place as equal members of society. It is wonderful it is happening on the [100th] anniversary of Oscar Wilde's death. It marks the end of bad old law that has caused enormous suffering -- an irony that he surely would have appreciated", she added.

Peter Tatchell, spokesperson for the direct action group OutRage! said, "This victory is a welcome and historic milestone in the long struggle for gay human rights. My only regret is that it has taken 33 years [since Britain's decriminalization of private homosexual acts between consenting adults] during which time hundreds of gay men have been unjustly jailed for victimless relationships."

Baroness Janet Young, who led the opposition that repeatedly blocked equalization in the House of Lords, held a news conference with other leading members of the Conservative Party on November 30 to denounce the Government's use of the Parliament Act as "a constitutional outrage." Young now joined the nation's religious leaders in signing a letter of protest published in the Daily Telegraph, which called on the Government to "protect young people of both sexes from the most dangerous of sexual practices," referring to anal intercourse. The letter was also signed by Anglican Archbishop of Canterbury George Carey, head of the Roman Catholic Church in England and by Archbishop of Westminster Cormac Murphy-O'Connor, secretary general of the Muslim Council of Great Britain Yousof Bhailok.

Stonewall spokesperson Sebastian Sandys responded to the letter, telling the BBC that, "This bill is about the principle of equality and principle of protecting young people. The Archbishop and his co-signatories cannot cherry-pick the law because they disagree with the House of Commons. It is a perfectly proper use of the Parliament
Act. Most other civilized countries in the world have an equal age of consent and we do not believe that the dire predictions of the Archbishop and Baroness Young have any basis in reality."

The Long Road to the White House
Kathie de Vito

After months of campaigning, in which I mostly begged and pleaded with my friends, family, and any stanger who would listen to vote for Gore.  When the moment of truth was finally upon us I sat in front of my television as Bush was prounounced the winner. Sadly I thought "well, at least I know now and I can deal with that."  I spoke too quickly on that one didn't I?  For weeks to follow Florida remained in the hot seat.  Debate, discussion, controversy, and worst-
lines were drawn in America.  You wither supported Gore or Bush- which side? Which side are you on?

I would have conversations with strangers who would immediately ask who I believed in.  E-mails and letters were sent to me with facts and opinions of what should happen and what is going to happen.  I found that I had to define to others who I supported. This frightened me because I knew that at home America was slowly dividing and standing off against each other.

In the end, when chance of survival for Gore seemed too short he did the honorable thing- he conceded. And to that I would like to acknowledge Gore.  Mr. Gore put his own country before himself.  He could've fought and dragged this battle out for months dividing the country even further.  But America's foundation, values, and constitution was at stake.  He showed dignity and unselfishness for America by giving America the stability it needed.

So now we know that Bush will be our leader.  What now?  To be honest I don't know.  Call it denial perhaps.  But Bush is going to have to fight and be good in order to earn the trust of the American people and people all over the world.  I have to place my trust in the system.  The democratic system is in place to ensure protection, check, and balance.  The system has been tested and even shakened but it is still standing.  All eyes will be on Bush and what he will do.  He has big shoes to fill following Clinton. All we can do is wait and see.  Remember it's only four years...
 

On the night of November the seventh I watched CNN for eight hours waiting for the election results to come in.  I have been nervous about the U.S. Presidential election for almost two years now.  It has been nearly that long since they started polling people about a possible election between Gore and Bush, and until two months before the election Gore has been trailing behind the whole time.  However, it was two months till the election and suddenly Gore had pulled ahead in the polls and there was some hope.

I woke up on the seventh and went to class, and through the rest of the day, dreading the possibility of Bush being elected.  Because I am living in Germany right now it was not until midnight before I sat down to start watching CNN for the election results.  Slowly they came in, and it looked as though Gore was actually going to win.  And then the reporters declared that Florida was replaced into the "Too Close to Call" category.  I knew at that point that Gore was probably not going to win, so I went to bed. It was eight in the morning.  As I layed there that night I began to question what it was that made me so sick to my stomach at the thought of Bush winning.  I realize that on many levels the two are not much different, both are very close to the center of the poltical scale.  Both agree with the death penalty, both want tax cuts, and so on and so on...

But here is why an election for Bush causes my stomach to turn.  Every once in a while, not often, I wake up
in the morning and think, 'That is right, I am not like most people, I am not average, and because of that most of the world hates me, simply because I am gay.'  On those mornings I remeber how the Republican of the United States have spent millions of dollars in the past twenty years to maintain a level of oppression over sexual minorities.  More importantly, they have spent even more money to oppress all minorities; by working to strip women of the right to choose, tax breaks to ensure the wealthy stay wealthy (most of whom are white), various overtures to dissallow  same-sex marriage.  The Republicans will not even allow legislation for sexual minorites to have protection against job discrimination.  That is why my heart aches at the thought of the U.S. President being George W. Bush.  No Gore is not perfect, I disagree with him on issues.  But he is not a bigot, he does not incite fear, hatred, and loathing of a group of people, which repeatedly ends in violence.  That is why my heart aches and my stomach turns over the election.

“Das Dänische Mädchen” is the real story of Einar Wegener, who turned into Lili Elbe, in the thirties. The Californian author, born in 1969, accidentaly found a manuscript from the inter-war period. The manuscript told about the life of Einar Wegener, a Danish painter who, together with his wife, also a well-known painter, Greta Waud, who actually enjoyed more success than him, led a tumultuous, hedonistic life in Copenhagen.

After six years of happy marriage, an apparently common incident changed Einar's life. One day, a female model was to pose for his wife, but the model failed to show up. Einar thought about replacing her. This moment concided with his discovering his hidden female side; it made him realise that he could perfectly be a woman.

This is the start of a pseudo-menage-a-trois in which Einar "performs" as both male and female, alternating his identities. His wife is both attracted by Einar and Lili, the woman that he created. Though initially troubled, but "happily connected in this threesome", the two dare to go to Paris and mix with the tumultuous life of the woman artists - let's not forget that this is the period of glory for women's emancipation.

The author, carefully describing the fascinating atmosphere of the time, narrates the slow, though ever-changing relationship between the two/three. As time goes by, Einar realises that he is more of a woman, which makes him eager to undergo a dangerous sex-change operation.

Ebershoff novel describes, full of sensibility, the destiny of an individual who has to fight in order to find her/his own coordinates. S/he has to fight and make up with the environment, the mind, and the marriage.

A true, extraordinary love story, narrated in a straightforward style, full of impressive paragraphs.

Adrian Vantiu, Cluj-Napoca

“Celebrating Love through the Art of Storytelling”, the event in New York that we anounced in the last issue, took place on December 8, 2000, and enjoyed a tremendous success. Though Silvia's initial intention was to focus on the publication of "Love without Fear. The Nexus of Language, Power, and Sexuality", the meeting also highlighted broader subjects, like the life of lesbians and gays in Romania. Among others, an old friend of ACCEPT, William Hirst attended the event, and spoke about Romania with regard to the recent developments on the political stage. Another special guest was Professor Anne Hoffman from Fordham University.

The welcome speech read: “When ACCEPT started its first partnership project, with the Dutch organization COC, [Jan de Roy,] the counselor of the Dutch Embassy raised his glass and toasted, “For a more gay Romania”. Now, three years after this event, Romania is realizing that she’s more gay than she’d like to think. This is all thanks to the work of ACCEPT, thanks to its advocacy and outreach. Although people are still afraid to come out, Romania is at least now aware of their existence, an existence that ACCEPT will not let Romania soon forget. ”

We had the pleasant surprise to find out, on the site of the Movement for the Alternative Society, http://alter-ro.tripod.com, the article below, that we are hereby publishing in our translation:

Article 200

There is one topic which has managed to distract attention from the affairs which absorb the little of the many into the hefty pockets of the few (such as the FNI/FNA scandal at the origin of which ex-Securitate staff are said to be involved); and this topic is the debate on article 200 Penal Code, which classifies homosexual relations as an offence. What a perfect opportunity to let bigotry and chauvinism loose! What a wonderful “scapegoat” has been brought up exactly when the oligarchy needed it most!

The “arguments” in favour of keeping these shameful laws are plainly ridiculous. Only naming them cannot but, upon clear-minded inspection, cause only roars of laughter. But in a tragical-comic Romanian reality, nothing makes us wonder.

They say that homosexuals should be locked in the cellars of the Securitate… (pardon me, of the RIS or the cops’, of public guardians, PDA, etc)… because they “sin against nature’s law.” I think Romania will become a very interesting country the day sin, as defined by a certain dogma, will become an offence according to the Penal Code. That very moment the Romanian Orthodox Church will take over the responsibilities of the Domestic Affairs Ministry, and priests/cops will patrol in the street holding the Bible in one hand and the stick specific to the protectors of “public peace.” Instead of rock and hip-hop concerts we will have choirs of the Seminary students, which will be broadcast on an Orthodox television (the only one which might exist). We will have a country in which smiles will have died.

I also heard that homosexuality is harmful to society because it “does not lead to procreation.” Do all heterosexual relationships have a maternal finality, I wonder? I was hoping it’s not that way, but it seems there is a lot for me to learn.  In such a case Christian churches in Romania should give up its attempts to edit a sole translation of the Bible. It should rather focus on editing an Orthodox-Catholic-Protestant Kama Sutra, which should explain the acceptable positions for a real Romanian couple. Of course, in order to acvhieve this goal they should agree upon the translation, which is highly unlikely. And if they still manage to do it, that would make a best-seller, especially if provided with adequate pics. I hope that the true defenders of "Faith", whom we see on all TV stations, will prove so kind as to show us how we should have proper sex.

And I also heard that homosexuality runs against the "ancient law". Well that's a lax concept, easily changeable as to meet the interests of the ones who use it. This is an undiminished, most outrageous attack against freedom. Once this obscure concept is used against a minority (probably the most victimised minority of all), nothing will stop them to supress all liberties, to prosecute anyone. That is why, we consider that the campaign against Article 200 represents not only the fight against a shameful prosecution (which is no longer in force anywhere else in Europe), but also a fight for defending the human dignity. We hereby express our solidarity with "Accept" organisation.

More Details about Transsexuality Rudy Radu Transsexuality: The term is used for defining a person who identifies with the opposite sex, regardless of the whwther she or he is in pre- or post-(sex-change)operation. Most transsexuals appeal to the sex-change operation. A transsexual person is born with the somatic features of the one sex, in disagreement with the psychological sex. This conflict between the sexual and psychological identity leads to a permanent psychological lack of comfort, accompanied by deep suffering, even since childhood.  Transsexuality is caused by the mother's hormonal unbalance or hormonal dosages with an abnormal chemical structure, possibly caused by the stress during pregnancy.  Statistics revealed that the transsexuals have a higher IQ in comparison with other persons. This theory cannot be explained; it is assumed that it is favoured by the combination of the two functions - female and male. Also statistically, it has been revealed that the transgender persons have more creative and artistic skills, especially in the musical field.  Transsexuals have to undergo numeroud difficulties in solving their problems, either socially, medically, or legally speaking. They have to live with the society, with social (re)integration. They should be helped  by their families and friends, especially during the transition period, which lasts more than two years. In 1981, estimations revealed that 50% f transsexuals failed to survive the harsh conditions and died around the age of 30.  The number of transsexuals is not known for sure. Estimations show that there is one transsexual in 30,000 persons. And because transsexuality is caused by stress, which generates serious hormonal malfunctions, the number of transsexuals can differ from one generation to another. Thus, more transsexuals are born during times of war (in the same way that more boys than girls are born). Regardless of the geographical area or the historical period, transsexuality is a part of life, and transsexuals deserve their place within the society.  ACCEPT endorses the transsexuals' minority. We invite you to contact Miss Rudy Radu, Co-ordinator of the Transgender Group, for more juridical, medical, or psychological details, at CP 34-56, Bucuresti, Romania, or accept@fx.ro, specifying: For Rudy Radu.

Syphilis is a predominantly sexually transmitted disease, only rarely transmitted by other means as well (e.g. kissing, blood transfusion, contaminated objects). It is caused by a bacteria called Treponema pallidum, which is very sensitive in dry environments, as well as to usual disinfectants (alcohol, medical alcohol) and, very importantly, extremely sensitive to soap.

Syphilis has a clinical evolution made up of three stages:
Stage (period) I—primary syphilis—characterised as follows:
1) a small lesion, called primary syphilitic lesion. This type of wound is not painful, initially looking like a reddish spot, which erodes (like ulcer) very quickly. It is frequently located on the male or female genital organs. However, it can be located in other places as well, such as the lips, or the chin. Usually it is a solitary lesion, but more rarely there can be several lesions. They usually occur around 21 days after the infecting contact—this being the incubation period.
2) Swelling of the ganglions—syphilitic adenopathy—approximately 6 to 12 days after the occurrence of the first lesion; ganglions are moderately swollen, often a larger one and smaller ones.
Stage II—after 1 to 2 months from the occurrence of the first lesion, red spots appear, being localised on the skin or tissues. They can erode, or peal off, the peals coming apart only at the edge. The eruption can be accompanied by swelling of the ganglions (adenopathy), headaches, aches in the joints, lack of appetite.
Untreated, secondary syphilis can evolve without symptoms, this stage’s manifestation of infection being only positive serologic tests (Wassermann reaction, VDRL, etc.).
Other manifestations (other than those in the skin) can be loss of hair (diffuse, or only on small areas), nail wounds, fever (40 degrees C), severe headache.
The latent stage can last for the entire life, can be interrupted by acute states, or by the evolution of the disease into its third stage—tertiary syphilis—where severe manifestations connected to the nervous system occur.
Treatment of the disease is made with penicillin in various schemes and doses, which makes consulting a doctor a prerequisite condition for correct administering of the medication.

Out of the Blue* Russia’s Hidden Gay Literature. An Anthology (Russia's Hidden Gay Literature) Editor: Kevin Moss Gay Sunshine Press San Francisco       An impressive anthology, both in terms of quantity and quality, that takes the reader by surprise with numerous texts written before the nineties, when, at least theoretically speaking, the soviet sexophobia ended. One expects, for instance, to find homoerotic prose and poetry, but is bewildered to read poems by Pushkin or Lermontov.

* The Russian word "Goluboy" means both "blue" and "gay".

Psychologist's Advice Beatrice Nica ACCEPT's Psychologist Beatrice is waiting for your e-mails at beatricenica@hotmail.com or by regular mail at CP 34-56, Bucharest. For free of charge consultation at ACCEPT centre, call 01/252 16 37 for making an appointment.

Nobody Loves Me

Dear Beatrice—

Your column in the lgbt@accept newsletter is wonderful, even vital, I could say. I wish you lots of luck and success in everything you do.
I have a serious problem too—nobody loves me. I have noticed that there are three categories of gays—those that “hurt,” those that are hurt, but, out of revenge, hurt others in turn, and those that are hurt without doing anyone any harm. I belong to the third group—I am always wounded, hurt, avoided by the members of the gay community who do not get sentimentally involved or do not trust people. I am capable of giving and receiving love, but do not have whom with in this small world. Why does something like this have to happen to me? I have started feeling tremendously lonely and deserted.
Soon it will be my birthday, and I will be alone again—basically I don’t know what I should wish for: to die, or to live seems to be just the same.

Dany from Sighisoara
 

Dear Dany—

Thank you for your comments, encouragement, and wishes.
The world is very diverse, and your classification is not far from the truth. You tell me that you belong to this category of those who always end up by being hurt—don’t you sometimes feel the need to belong to this category precisely from the wish to be a “victim?”
My advice? You might as well belong to a fourth category, which does not let itself hurt, nor will it hurt—a category which can raise itself and decide by itself next to whom, and against whom, it should fight.
All you have to do is decide yourself the category to which you wish to belong. You must not think that you are the only one who is looking for tenderness, affection, caress and a bit of happiness—simply because it is not true. All you have to do is open your eyes and look at the world around you in a more optimistic way.

Beatrice

I am in Love with a Married Woman

I am 36 and I am a lesbian. I am in a critical moment of my life now—I have fallen very much in love with a married woman, mother of two children. Fortunately, she has answered very nicely to my feelings: we have been having a relationship for two years now; we meet about once a week. I love her very much. Recently, however, her husband found out and has been forbidding her to meet me. So she became more distant, and cautious. I cannot get used to the thought that we cannot see each other. It is very difficult for me, since I she is the only one I care about… I have been trying to see life in a different way as well, but the thought terrifies me, because I am so lonely… She cares about me, but her family comes first, and I cannot ask anything in that respect. I wait but I have the feeling that I wait in vain; as time goes by I realise that everything is in vain, since we will never be together because of her family. Please tell me: what should I do? Women who share my sexual orientation are very rare, so I am tortured inside by the thought that I will never find somebody to understand me and whom to live with, not even mentioning mentalities in this country…
I feel the need for more love from her, and I ask myself whether I have the right to this love. Am I mistaken, expecting more from life?

Mariana from Bucharest
 

Dear Mariana—

You are not mistaken wishing more from life, but you must think very well before wishing a particular thing. Even if the relationship has lasted almost two years, and she has met your expectations and wishes, I think you must now respect her wish. I don’t think either you or her will be happy trying to force her to give up her family. Perhaps the image you have built is not very real, it only matches your expectations. You must see the real facts, not just what you would like to be, because you can deceive yourself in such a way.

Beatrice

Though the four ladies have separately gone solo, Spice Girls gathered again for the release of their latest album, "forever", on November 6, 2000. The recording went on for almost six month and were conducted in London, Miami and Los Angeles, with a team of A-list producers; some of them were Rodney Jerkins, Jimmi Jan and TerryLewis. “Forever” is considerably more penetrating and elaborate than “Spice” and “Spiceworld”. The girls’ voices have never sounded better before this album. “Forever” includes the double single “Holler” and “Let Love Lead the Way” which reached number one in Britain, overtaking heights of legendary artists such as Madonna and Rolling Stones. Other tracks that please our hearing are “Tell Me Why”, a disco R’n’B, “If you Wanna Have Some Fun” and “Right Back at Ya”, breaking through with a strong “Girl Power” attitude that made them famous. The album concludes with two ballads “Oxygene” and “Goodbye”, a Christmas-themed single.

Sex and the City A Production of HBO Casting: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Catrall, Kristin Davies, Cynthia Nixon, Chris Noth, Willie Garson, Ben Weber This series, a kind of “Queer as Folk” for the straight, reveals, in a tone of exhilarating humour, the sex life of four thirty-something women in the city that never sleeps – New York.   It is the story of four friends - Carrie (Parker, above), a successful columnist who’s less  successful with men, Miranda (Nixon), the cynical lawyer, Samantha (Catrall), the sensual and sexual businesswoman and Charlotte (Davies), the hopeless romantic – who decide to lead a (straight) man’s life, which means devouring the opposite sex without resentments. Well, deciding is one but as for resentments the deal is a bit different, for, no matter what you do, you can fake an orgasm but you cannot fake intimacy...  As a matter of fact, it occurred to me that this show could be meant for the bisexuals rather. Never mind Sarah’s beauty and especially the beauty of the men whom the girls are dating; and we still cannot fail to notice the lgbt input in the show, starting with atypically gay Stanford, Carrie’s best friend, and getting to Sarah Jessica Parker’s kissing with Alanis Morissette, about whom the actress has said “she was the first woman in my life, and I am glad it was her.”   “Sex and the City” - the title was (mis)translated in Romanian into “All about Sex” - really is, in any case – that is, irrespective of your sexual orientation – a must watch, and it qualifies for the way it demolishes the prejudice and the myths of urban present-day sexuality, with a sense of humour and subtlety.  “Sex and the City” is inspired by Candance Bushell’s best-seller bearing the same name. Candance Bushell is herself a successful journalist with the New York Observer and, according to the “Cosmopolitan”, she used to be a kept mistress.

Robbie Williams Sings Like He's Winning
Florin Radu
 

The new album of the one whose departure meant the beginning of the end for Take That is an indisputable success for Robbie Williams! And when we think that, upon leaving Take That, most thought Robbie Williams was a traitor… In spite of his repute as a difficult and controversial guy, Mr. Williams made himself famous in well-defined way, both in the British and the Continental musical world. The current album targeted winning over the United States—the only place where Robbie is being ignored. “Sing When You’re Winning” is produced by Guy Chambers and Steve Power at the Capitol Records. “Sing When You’re Winning” has all the strong qualities it needs in order to make it across the Ocean; Williams has now reached a full artistic maturity, both from the point of view of music, and from that of its lyrics. The first excerpt from the single was “Rock DJ”, an excellent mixture of styles, intelligently thought, just as the rest of the album, which gathers together rock—“Let Love Be Your Energy,” classic dance—“Supreme,” and brit pop in “Kids,” an excellent duet with Kylie Minogue (second excerpt). All these make Williams’s new album more than a plain commercial success. “Sing When You’re Winning” has the ability to make you listen to it over and over again. Its message is simple and serene—we should sing when we’re winning, enjoy what we have, and not be sad about that which we miss. After all, it’s a definition for the state of happiness.

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